Thursday, January 29, 2015

..of migraines and dyslexia!!

this is my story..its not a work of fiction and any coincidences with anyone in the real world is intentional..i would start with my childhood..i live in one of the lovely places on earth..kerala..a state of india..also known as the gods own country..although when i was small i never realized or enjoyed the beauty of the world was so revolved around my mom and dad worked for the government..coming from middle class family they both needed to work so that i could have comfortable life..i lived with my grandmother(dad's mom) before going to school..i used to see my parents in the morning before they went to work and in the evenings..although i was too small to miss them..i was busy in my own world..i used to enjoy making a sofa in the shape of an enclosed space ship and imagine myself fighting with aliens and stuff..needless to say i was the naughtiest kid around..

                so it was time to admit me to went well..i mean for me..but for my parents it was sleepless and dad took turns to plant seeds of knowledge inside my little head..all my home works assignments everything was done with mom's help in fact she did them for me although she tried every way for me atleast pass every class..

                                                     During these times my father got transferred to a different place for work..and he used to come home only during used to go nuts trying to teach me maths..which was particularly my weakest of all subjects..i lost interest in studies..infact i didn't know why people had to puny mind had no idea how the world is gonna be..we shifted to a different place after my grandmother passed was far away from my i had to go by my school bus..being the farthest from the school i used be picked up first by the school bus and dropped the last in the evening..i had to get ready by 6AM in morning and came evening 6..all this time the person who suffered the most was my mom..she had to wake up even earlier to pack my lunch..dress me up..i mean i wouldn't even put my socks myself..wondering what an ass i was..she never complained..i was old enough to starting to miss my father and waited for the weekend to come to see my dad..and every Sunday when he is about to leave i just couldn't hold myself from crying and telling him not to painful as it was..things started getting harder at school..i lost complete interest in studies..i never took notes..fear of learning took hold of used to check daily portions covered at school and made me fact she tried a lot of spoon feeding..eventually i even started not bringing my classroom books to home because if the fear os knew what was happening and she used to drop at school every other day and wrote down notes of my classes from my classmates..
                   All those times i didn't know  what was i thinking..during these days i started getting headaches..the nasty kind..migraines,.it ran in my family..still no cure has been found..starting with a slight discomfort in one  side of the head it eventually  made me literally immobile..i used to go to school all fresh and by evening i was crying out with the pain of migraine..i completely stopped my studies..first my parents thought that it was my plan not to study..but later on they understood the seriousness..i was taken to all kind of doctors...tried different types of medicines..even did a complete CT scan of my brain to check for loose contacts..all in vain..everything was normal..during those times dad also was admitted in the hospital for back pain..His pain was so severe that he couldn't bear was a case of disc dislocation..infact the disc in his spinal cord got dislocated and started poking the was terribly painful and to see him suffer was one of the worst nightmares coming true..We never realized the severity until dad was shifted to home with his legs paralyzed..his nerves were damaged and all he could do was lie down in pain..Mom had to look after dad and she couldn't go to work..everything studies or headaches weren't an issue anymore..we were financially in debt..trying to make both ends meet..things started making sense to me..all day i could see tears in my mom's eyes..its heart breaking..relatives came home to visit dad..and every time i saw my dad cry in front of them..everyone feels sorry for us..there is nothing they could do other than being there for was dark part of my life..i felt i needed to do something about it..i was helpless..only thing i could do was to pray..and hope..I realized the importance of money to survive in this world..if only there was enough money we could provide dad with a better treatment..this should have been my turning point...but no.Deep inside i wanted to try..i wanted to study and excel..but i just couldn't..
                                        God wasn't that cruel to dad recovered..he underwent a major surgery..all his discs were taken out..he couldn't lift weight..but he got back his senses in his legs..after  numerous ayurvedic massages and treatments dad started working..things became normal..but things remained same on my side.i never passed a single maths test..i couldn't write proper numbers,my brain failed to distinguish 9 and 6.."b"  and "d" teachers started noticing these types of very unusual mistakes..those times there was no information overload..and people were happily ignorant..i was taken to child care center in one of the metros to get a professional help and to find out what exactly was wrong with me..they made me do some tests and in the end i was diagnosed with dyslexia..its a learning disability..although mine was not a severe case and could be cured  with proper professional help..i was made to dropout of the class and you wouldn't believe i had to start studying alphabets and numbers like in kinder garden again..this time i wiring of brain started firing and i could catch up the was back to normal again..i picked up..i struggled..i was motivated..all these childhood incidents scarred my self-esteem and had made me very insecure..but here am..did my engineering..and now working in one of the best technical daily job comes with tinkering and overhauling massive diesel engines..although i would say dyslexia was a blessing in disguise...because i know how small i could become in life and how big i can become in life embracing my weaknesses..although i wouldn't say now am a perfect individual..i can say i make every effort to make myself improve everyday..and about my migraine..i found out it was triggered by certain circumstances..stress..i try to avoid them..and am good..although hurtful things did happen in my youthful years i thank god it happened because all those things which i didn't share here..made me a better person now..

i thank dyslexia for a wonderful real time imagination it gave me..i literally can hallucinate with eyes open..i can be in my own magical world of imagination..all i need is thoughts and it gets manifested in front of my eyes with vivid brain is all messed up and i love it..:D

PS:I never mentioned about someone..the happiest thing that happened to me one and only little sister..although talking about her would take the thunder of Dyslexia may be later!  until good to yourself..spread love..Carpe Diem<3

Thursday, February 16, 2012


Don't know were to start with....
How many  of us is actually really living in the present??
None of us did ever live in the present i think..
when we were young..we used to think once we grow big life would be beautiful..and forget to enjoy small small things which we get only in our childhood..
Am 24 now..already am regretting that i should have concentrated on ma present than future..
but the very funny part is now rather than living and enjoying the present am sort of thinking about the past and future...
There is never a best time than NOW...
this is life...accept what u r...
Dumb all the thoughts of future...but do dream..have wishes to be fulfilled...then only life can move on right?

Things change every moment..the thought i had yesterday may be nonsense to me now...So never keep anything tomorrow to is the time...

like they say "kal hoo naa hoo"..